I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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