I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
