it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
