I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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