well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
