So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
