Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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