She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
