my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
