Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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