Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
