the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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