im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
