So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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