I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
