It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I met the friendliest cop last night
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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