im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
