I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
