I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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