and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
