It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
