I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
