My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
