Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
