Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dicks are not precious.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
