garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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