Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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