I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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