Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
