I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
