guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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