I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize