I cannot find my penis.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
