fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
