Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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