Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
