So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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