I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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