No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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