I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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