im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Barsexuality is the new black.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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