$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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