I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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