the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize