I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
