I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
