i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
