so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
