i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
