I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just pee around me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
