shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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