i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
