Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize