First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize