I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
