Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
