I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
