shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
