I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
