it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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