I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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