my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
