my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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