to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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