Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
