Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
