textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
