Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize