Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
