oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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