Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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